Chez Nerdingham

HERE BE DRAGONS

I’ve Got the Magic in Me*

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First a disclaimer, the title of this post comes from the B.o.B. song (featuring Rivers Cuomo of Weezer fame), Magic. I LOVE that song and just rediscovered it today while downloading some of my library to the new computer. I hope my neighbors like it too since it’s been featured heavily on today’s playlist!

Now the content of this post is a bit deeper, I intend to talk about spirituality. A year ago I could not imagine those words coming out of my mouth (or in this case being typed by my fingers). Not that I was a heathen, it just wasn’t something I thought much about. And, in all honesty, I probably thought the entire concept of energy and chakras was a bit woo-woo. I liked to fancy myself open-minded, but was I really all that open to things that didn’t fit into my own pre-concieved notions? Not really.

So what changed? Well, it really began three years ago when I gradually realized a relationship I was in was not based on the person I really was. It wasn’t that I intended to be someone else, it was that I really didn’t know myself. I was too scared to think about what I really wanted and focused on what I “should” want, as prescribed by society (you know, “them”). I was more scared of being alone than maybe never finding someone. I was unhappy but thought a relationship, marriage, house in the suburbs, kids, and so on were the solution to the feeling of incompleteness I felt.  But those were all external things, and without feeling complete on my own no person, no job, no accomplishment would ever make a lasting impact.

Of course hindsight is 20/20. I had not come to this realization when I got married or bought the house in the suburbs. Like anything that isn’t “real”, cracks appeared quickly and somehow I found the courage to go out on my own after a few years. It was the right thing to do, but it was painful. Since that moment three years ago I’ve been on my own journey though, and it’s not something that happened overnight or even in a year. The next few years were very painful, and at times I felt helpless. At times = most of the time really. Somehow I got through it, I credit a lot of my sanity to my dog, Watson, who I adopted in January 2013. Maybe that’s when I started realizing that there is something to spiritual help. Having an animal to care for, and who loved me unconditionally, was the best therapy that I could hope for during this time.

I had a realization last year that life is short and unpredictable, which gave me the courage to seek out more changes. The universe responded pretty rapidly and I’ve spent the past few months transitioning to a new job that I love! I also found a new apartment in an amazing neighborhood. I began addressing sleeping issues that have plagued me for years with a combination of meditation and aromatherapy. I began thinking positively about situations when had stressed me and seemed able to finally address a few things and move forward. I began to let go of anger and disappointment, in myself and others, and have felt physically lighter and mentally calmer.

I’ve come to realize that I have the ability, within myself, to have a happy and fulfilled life. If I’m honest and truly open, amazing things can happen. Where do I go from here? I’ve actually signed up to attend a workshop with Gabrielle Bernstein when she comes to LA in a few weeks.  I started watching her videos a few weeks ago after seeing her mentioned in two other blogs I read. It’s actually part of my own morning ritual: I get up and walk the dog, then make some coffee and then watch a video every morning. It seems like a positive way to start my day! I’ve never actually read any of her books so her new book, Miracles Now, will be my first introduction to her writing.

So this cynic has become a cautious believer. I don’t know where the journey may lead but I’m no longer scared.

 

*I guess now I can’t use this title for a future post on Magic the Gathering, darn!

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One thought on “I’ve Got the Magic in Me*

  1. This is such awesome news! Searching for peace after terrible losses is unexplainably hard. I applaud your proactive-ness.

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